Everything will change, but love remains the same.

Sunday, July 09, 2006 11:27 AM

Hi ppl, im finally back, with only 1 lang-english. i guess tts cause for celebration. prob my chinese shall be saved for other purposes. till i find my old, confident self again. sudenly, i have mny doubts over evting around me, as if it all doenst seem to be reality, n yet i noe 4 sure it is. I used to tink evting tt happened wasnt my fault, n yet sudenly i feel tt many tings tt happen is partly my fault. of cos its not solely me, but yes, I HAVE A PART in making things turn out this terrible way. sumtimes when one says sumthing it can nv be taken back, nv eva. n yet if it is not taken back, the entire ultimate aim of doing sumthing will not be reached. n yet it is because of this ultimate aim tt such a conflict arises. In school, I always seem to be tt person who does evting, leads evting. sudenly, im faltering. i noe we shuld always put aside our personal differences and work towards one goal, this seemed so simple in primary 1,2,3,4,5. i really dono y.
I can rmb wad happened in P1, as usual my classmates MADE me the leader, so i had to oblige. n yet though we were only 6/7 yrs old, evting seemed so simple. we simply gave in to each other, at times i did some stuff, n yet it was so simple for evting to be done so easily. tt is such an endearing thought, to even rmb hving such precious moments some part in my life, where evting is simple and true. since then i have wondered, wad does the word 'life' mean. dictionaries have explained this word in a few scientific lines. eg. the existence of a being for a certain period of time. blahblah. but i guess to each and evone of us here, this word has a different meaning. I used to tink it was for me to discover myself, since i wuld be living this entire life as myself. as i grew up a little more, bt P3, I wondered if the definition of P1 was true. n so my new definition became to adapt to changes and adversity. well, i guiess in some ways its true. life can be seen as a story. with good times and bad times, a resolution.
I guess all of us ahve our own faults, n yet its hard to admit it. i guess i was in the wrong too. but admitting to our own faults is not an easy ting to do. prob when i grow up i wil find it much easier to do so. but for now, its stiill a challenge. esp when i have grown up in such a pampered environment. i guess sumthings shuld be left unknown sumtimes. prob not knowing them is much better than knoowing and causing hurt to oneself. some of my close frends will understand wad im saying. but my acquaintances wuld be :"huh?!?!?!?" sumtimes im so conused and lost. of only, i culd be nothingness, sloating about in mid air. gazing down at all the beings feeling their way through the winding tunnel of life... if only...