Wednesday, August 09, 2006 12:51 PM
I actually blogged quite a lot about what I did yesterday le, but somehow I accidentaly crossed the window and poof there goes my unsaved entry. Okay I am quite pissed with it so I am no longer going to blog what I did. Here, more of yours truly's emotions. I really do not know how long this post is going to be. I doubt it will be as long as the 07 August post because I was really itching for the keyboard that day. Today I am not really craving for it, just listening to music. It was quite annoying that my ears are too small for the average-sized ear pieces and I must use the special type which is quite expensive. That type is really small and has a rubber, flexible tip.
Yesterday I was blogsurfing and chanced upon many taiwanese singers' blogs, haha, so many las! I actually went to read the more popular ones. Then I found that many of these chinese blogs are hosted by 'wretch.cc'. Went to that website and found this section for all the bloggers who are celebrities. Small chinese wordings are not as hard to read now, at least since their posts are not too long. Haha their blogs were quite versatile, I remember many of them had really funny posts about running away from the paparrazi. Then there were some more emotional ones about not being able to really do what they want to do as a celebrity and all. Personally I prefer the emotional ones so sometimes I will visit them. I was really quite surprised that JJLin actually blogged, never heard of that before. But I found one thing common between the taiwanese singers' blogs. Their latest posts mostly talked about returning from Hong Kong, where there was a major "prize presentation", abit like "Golden Melody Awards" but it is in Hongkong.
I think today's post is getting rather casual. HRM. I like adding a "double-meaning" tinge to all my posts, but I am failing for this one. I think it is because I have gotten over the sad period. I can still vaguely recall being very sad for no particular reason every day of my life last month. It was not because of stress I think, for I have never been sad due to stress. I have always been able to handle it well. Moreover, there was still not much stress last month, for me at least. The period where I would always write poems about hopelessness and desperation. I think it is a consolation that since the time I was born about 12 years ago, I have never used the phrase "I hate my life". In fact, I do not think I ever will in the future too. It is one of the phrases I hate the most, not because I treasure life or any of those noble reasons but because it runs down mankind in itself. One person's life is interconnected with so many other peoples', by using that phrase so flippantly I think it is really an insult. So even when I really start to hate things that are happening around me, I will not say "I hate my life" but "I hate PSLE" or whatever. The I hate PSLE example is just random. I never hated PSLE and never will. It is just one of those things that come by my un-hated life.
Personally, I think I am one person who does not really like sharing. Okay I am not talking about sharing my food and all, sharing food is not a problem. I am talking about sharing my emotions and feelings. I hardly do this especially to those people who start comforting you. I hate being comforted, my hair will stand on ends when I am comforted. I think it is a gesture with good intentions but to me, expressed in a wrong way. Well, I was referring to verbal comforting. If I was ever sad, and ever told you my real, sincere feelings, I would really only hope for one thing-silence. Perhaps simply listening and other silent gestures are already a sort of comforting to me. I would definitely rather you hug me than talk to me about how life is full of obstacles. I hate "counselling" the most, which is why I never felt it was the best way of helping rebellious students return to the right track. In my opinion, the best way is something teachers, counsellors, psychologists cannot provide and never will be able to. I think the power of gentle yet passionate love is what probably no one will be able to give to one who is notorious. Trying to give it would perhaps make things even worse. Maybe we should just wait for this strong transformation, often silent, to happen. A short poem, dedicated to the many people who have not been touched at the deepest part of your hearts.
Sitting in the darkest corner of a winding alley,
no ray of light can be seen.
Not a twinkle,
not a dazzle.
Losing yourself in melancholy,
sadness that can't be described,
reliving those memories,
that moulded what you are now.
Shedding a tear,
you watch it fall to the floor.
Like a dead leaf,
dropping onto the ground.
Try not to hope,
simply wait,
silently,
noiseless-ly waiting.
Waiting for that power,
the power of unconditonal love.
the one power that no one else can give.
The one power than can dissolve
all the grievances
all the tears,
Wait for that source,
the one person that can give this power.
The one person who can touch your heart,
the one person who may pick you up.
Cling on to hope and wait,
for that one dazzle,
that one twinkle,
that one molecule of powerful love.
