Everything will change, but love remains the same.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006 7:12 PM

I blogged twice toady, acheivement, well not really. Haha recently I am never sure of anything, never at all. I dono whats coming over me. You all seem so so so depressed. I guess i am at times too, these few days not that bad. Hormonal surges no longer harrassing me, at least for the past 2 days. Hopefully I do not get that empty, clammy feeling again. It sucks, but everyone has it, whether we show it or not. Usually I do not show it, I always keep my emotions to myself. Better one person unhappy than 2 right?

I remember wondering why the world revolves around the sun, wondering why I am wondering about so much about things not concerning me, wondering, wondering. wondering is such an open word. and yet it is so open that it is almost always unrealistic. Sometimes I can just stare at the computer and start to feel rather sad, I dont know why either. When that happens I will listen to my fav songs, n perhaps sing to vent, but always when I am alone, I am rather loner-like, I guess. My future hardly seems unclear, contrasting to Jean, but sometimes it is too clear that it becomes unclear. Yeh that is what I wanted the last sentence to mean. Try 2 understand if you cannot, but I am sure many people will. Sometimes I start ponderin if we should even use words like 'if', because they are only doors to escape from reality, yet as ever unrealistic. Using 'if' gives us hope, hope that will disappoint us even more in the end. Here comes the clammy sensation again...I think that melancholy can only better be expressed in my ramblings/poems. Well, we wiill see how it turns out. If it is good I will call it a poem. Note my gd is just average because I just write what comes to my mind when I do these, um, ramblings! They are ARE ramblings, afterall.

Too often things are rare
they become common
common in its own essence

Too often things are distant
they become near
near in their own significance

So often in a bottle of nothingness
nothingness is so empty it becomes
full in its own molecularity

So often in a shell of darkness
darkness is so dark it becomes
bright in its own vision

Too often contrast-ion
ends up so opposite-ion
it becomes meaningless

So often we see a beam of light
a ray of hope
a glimpse of bright
in a tunnel of dark

So often we crawl
towards that beam of light
ending up with
a ray of nothingness
of dissolving splinters
of dropping autumn leaves
of emptiness so full
of darkness so brigh and
rareness so common

Okayy that was definitely ramblings. One look and you will know. It is so theme-less. aiyo, if Mrs Ortega ever sees this she will find out how bad I am at writing poems. The above is a classic example. Never mind, next time I will look back and appreciate the fact that I even bothered.