Tuesday, September 19, 2006 9:06 PM
I am going to encourage, force myself to not mention how many days it is to PSLE. I can believe it, it is absolutely believable. I am prepared, or at least as prepared as I can ever be. The work I am doing now is just to, hmm, affirm myself that I am prepared? Currently working on chinese practice paper given by cls. do not need to do it by tmr but wells, have to do it in the end. So, why not? I feel like blogging very long now. It just helps me in some ways. Very long post. Okay? wadeva I am just going to rant on and on! ((:
First period. Most shocking, a little low on confidence when I received that paper. But after everythign settled, I just looked through the paper and found that everything was fine, that I did not need to udnermine myself, that I was fine and still not bonkers. For once, I am believing that all will turn out fine, despite the unspeakably pathetic, my worse score ever for a mock test. For my strongest subject too. Yet, for now I shall believe that it is all fine, all under control and that I will do okay for the real one coming up soon. yupps.
In case you wana know, I scored 78/90. It is my lowest. Was a little sad when I saw it, but no, I cannot affoprd to have low self-confidence at this point in time. It is so critical. I must never allow my personal feelings and emotions to affect my overall performance on the day itself. I vow to myself that I will not, even if all that is at stake is a Nike bottle. That is the reward I am oging to ask. I am not exactly financially stable so I shall be contented and not request for an ipod, which I badly want. a Nike bottle is good enough. ZHIWEN! NO FROWING! DO NOT BE SAD! YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE! AND YOU BETTER NOT BE! I feel like screaming that to myself. good, i shall not be sad, at most just a little disapointed. Perfectly normal. Now, back to business.
PE, played mini-tennis, Quite fun except had to run aorund chasing the ball. Quite lame la! But who cares, at least it is better than... than what? I dono, I seem to be getting very contented with what I have and do not have. practice papers or not, it makes no difference, it is not all that much, not all that unbearable. Had this new PE teacher who is quite nice la, dam pro at tennis too! YJ acted pro with his forehands. Looked so much like taiji instead of tennis. Son, I am disapointed in you!
Music, watched some funny choir performance. The champion team's dance was hilarious but nevertheless, they were good, That, I am going to give them credit for. For once, I am not being judgemental. I should not be anymore, though I always am.
English, did a mock test I minussed 5 marks alr! wonderful. I am the most unconfident for english. Going to try and brush up during the last few days. Except that I finally got above 30 for compo. Waited for so long for this day to arrive. I got 33. I doubt it is the highest, but I am ocntent. I thought I would get like 28? Went through some S n T qns. Mrs Ortega looks sick and pale. Get well soon. Must be because of her awful and lazy pupils. Haha
Science, went through practice papers. Ate PRETZ. Boring. Managed to catch snippets of his lesson. Educational as usual. He is knowledgeable, can't deny that lar. Maybe I should pay attention to him one of these days, I feel like I have wrongly judged him. He should be quite nice. Went out in a huff I think. Well, his torture will soon end. I dono how we will feel when all of a sudden, practice papers are gone. It will just seem as if part of our life has been chopped off.
Done with the absolutely boring day. When jogging with my cousin, gosh. I am SOO unfit. 4get it, I will never be fit la! Recently I have been wondering what I will be like 15 years down the road. I would be 27. Fresh out of university.
I know I will have much more difficulties to overcome then. But I stll anticipate it. Perhaps one day 15 years later I will look back at one of my childhood photos and wonder hwy I had not treasured the time I had as a kid. Apparently we can never be contented. We will wana grow up when we are young. but wanna return to our innocent fun childhood when we are older. I just cant help but wonder. What will I be like? The careerwoman I have always wanted to be? The happy-go-lucky receptionist answering phoine calls? The intellectual proffesor preaching at the university? Are all those huge acheivements that essential? I have been dreaming since I knew how to dream of being a careerwoman. I am still having that dream now. But yet, there is that question up in my head I have never been able to get rid of it.
Will being a careerwoman or just an employee make any difference? Isn't it all going back to square 1. I have always planned that when I make my first million, if I ever do, I would go travelling about 10% of the world. And then by the time I am old I would have travelled at least 3 quarters of the world. And of course I will take care of those who took care of my financial needs as a child in a single-parent family, whether I agree with them on some issues or not. I do owe them at least that, if I can even afford to support myself that is. And of course there is my mom. I owe everything I am to her.
Of course my dad too. But that is mental and emotional, I can never give it all bakc to him through material possessions. Though I will never forget. I know all that my mom has done can never be repayed. But I just want to do my best, ya? She has sacrificed so much, i cannot even say how much. Maybe sometimes i am effing pissed with her. But you can never deny that she has done all she can do. Well, at elast she cares 4 what I eat. Whether I have enough money, whether I need help in my work. To me tt is good enough. gosh I think this is really long. OKay gtg so practice papers. jia you every1. no stress k?
