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The city buzz sounds just like a fridge, I walk the streets through seven bars.

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ZHIWEN
rafflesbowling
siccbowling
richardson
111 209 314
winterbreak94@hotmail.com
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Layout: Sheryl F.
Resources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Lyrics from: Gavin Rossdale- Love Remains The Same
Saturday, November 18, 2006 5:57 PM

Sometimes I am caught in a quandary. Why must i always be the one who considers everyone position, think that no one except myself is wrong? Why can others hurt me without feeling guilty when I can't argue for fear of hurting them. Why must everyone seem to get away with having mood swings when I have to be at my best all the time. Why, why do I seem to live for others and not myself...

Maybe that is a useless question because there is no answer and thus it is redundant. But why do I always have to be right? don I have chances? Why can others do anything they want and not consider others' feeligns when I need to make sure I don hurt any single person.

Maybe I already know that answer, just that I don want to admit it, am too afraid, too timid too admit it. Sometimes I wonder if I can blame him for causing me to do all this, why must I be so special and be right all the time? Perhaps is he had not done what he had done, I wouldn't be stuck here like this. But deep down I know it isn't really his fault. He didn't want to do all that, he was also a victim.

But the fact is he did it, he let go. He let go of me, of them, of everyone and drifted away. It wasn't my fault, neither was it is. but sometimes I can't help but put the blame to him. Maybe it is because I have no courage to face up to reality, maybe I am just a weak puppet behind a metal mask.

I wonder if that one phrase would have made a difference? Why did i not say it to him that fateful night? Why, just because I dared not say it that night, must I force myself to be the best in everything that I do? Why did I not give that phrase of assurance. I really regret it, perhaps if I had just uttered those words, I would not have to use actions to prove it.

Sometimes I treat it as my duty, to strive for perfection in everything. To do well and better than others just to show him. Have I done enough? Enough neever seems within reach.

As 23rd nears, I fear that I will not do enough. Maybe the results will just show that I do badly. Maybe. The possibilities are endless. To the one who always stays by my side, protecting me, encouraging me. Perhaps it is my turn to show you that I can actually do something well. But what fi I don? what if, what if...