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The city buzz sounds just like a fridge, I walk the streets through seven bars.

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ZHIWEN
rafflesbowling
siccbowling
richardson
111 209 314
winterbreak94@hotmail.com
03051994

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Layout: Sheryl F.
Resources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Lyrics from: Gavin Rossdale- Love Remains The Same
Saturday, August 26, 2006 8:51 PM

Chased my mom out again with the excuse of studying but ended up blogging. Sometimes I feel guilty towards her. But I think I need my privacy. Though my mom thinks I do not. She is probably scared I will do somehting foolish but I will not. I do not want to think about it. I respect my mom for who she is and what she has done, as much as I respect him. So I shall not eff her for invading my privacy. Someday, I will understand it all. Time will pass, or is there even any significance of those seconds, hours, minutes?

Ask yourself one question, if your close relative commited suicide, will you blame him/her?

I know I am in no right to comment on this issue for I have not experienced it before. Sometimes only real victims will understand the complex emotions involved when a close person dies, especially when he could have lived. Sometimes when I am feeling down I start to blame 'him' for leaving, for putting me in such circumstances. But at the back of my head I know it is not his fault, he did not have a choice. Though there is no scientific proof that he tried to live, I know he did and believe he did. There is no reason why, I just do not doubt him. In fact, the thought that there was an effort there brings much confort. At least, he tried.

Actually, it is very much the same for suicide. Why continue to live when life is living hell, when you do not have a future to hope for, when you do not have anything left? I do not value life as much as some people, but I value choice. I may seem very irresponsible with my words, but I just think that we should just try our best. When we have been stretched till we break, it is often good to just let go of all the pain.

Of course, I doubt I will actually take my life. It involves much more courage than I have. Plus that, I still have much to hope for. Actually I do not have much, but I cling on to all I have and treat every day as the last day. Maybe false hope is better than none.

Give us all hope, just one molecule, just one... Surely it is not too much to ask of you? Afterall you have given me so much these years. (: