Thursday, August 17, 2006 3:24 PM
a little down now, but not entirely so sorrowful that my head is in my teary hands, well, that would never happen. Or will it? Considering the small little setback I just had, I doubt the posibility of me tearing up like a shrivelled plum, but there are always exceptions, aren't there? Small is already an exxageration, 'puny' would be a much more accurate description of the following act- Zhiwen screwing up her English Oral
Afterall , what world-changing impact would that have, none, except for the wasting of a few happy seconds of a little girl's life. Well, there hardly are any left in the world. That was not meant as an over-statement, really... ): I am beginning to wonder if there is even a molecule of true proper talent under all that fake layers of greatness in me. Everyday people in my family say that I am naturally smart and that I can even do well in PSLE without studying, all I can do is smile sheepishly. I cannot believe how horribly wrong they are.
I am not prodigiously-smart and wil never ever be, not as i I feel like being either. The moment I just settled on that blue hard floor of the hall, Lee Voon who is thoretically better than me in all ways except being stupid called me "Zhiwen, the only girl who can score full marks". Just yeaterday Andy was trying to convince me that I am smart. It makes it even worse right? All this impression to others that I am god-damned smart is so totally fake. Beneath those covers woven by others, I doubt there is even a tinge of true talent in me, for whatever field you can think of.
Back to the oral, I tend to trail away recently. As part of self-consolation, I am owing this bad symption to a fertile imagination. Oral has always been not too bad for me, for the first time, I experienced soemtime never before known to me. I cannot describe that feeling, it is not possible to. It is not nervousness, not fear either. I felt the importance of doing well, I wanted to do well, I needed to do well. Hopefully the other sections of my english paper is better than this. Hope is one thing too risky to be relied on at this point in time. I SCREWED UP the entire oral. I just hope the examiners are teachers of mutes, well, they most obviously aren't.
Okay, let us not be so sad anymore. Afterall, it is an irreversible fact that I screwed up, no matter how indignant I am to admit to it. Another oral tomorrow, one that I have at least more confidence in scoring. I remember that even that short "speech" during the Singapore-Malaysia Schools Bilingual Olympiad that I had to do was much better than today. Thoretically speaking, today's oral was ten times easier, probably even twenty times. Afterall, the former involved translating and a 300% larger audience. Still, I think I would have doen better if this oral involved translations, I am more comfortable doing that, just like I was during the competition.
I am trying to learn to amke blogskins. I have made it the first thing on my list to do the day PSLE ends.
Those can be left to my highly anticipated 26 October. Till then, blogskinning takes second place on my to-do list. Sometimes I need help in getting my priorities rght. By right, blogging should not be anywhere near the top of my list anytime soon, and yet I am doing it almost daily. ))):
