Everything will change, but love remains the same.

Thursday, September 28, 2006 3:39 PM

Cos there's something in the way you look me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
Make me believe that there's nothing in this way I can be
Never know what you see
There's something in the way you look at me

): I dono why I even typed that. The song was just playing and I typed in the chorus lyrics. Maybe that is what I am feeling now. but, yeah. I hardly am ever sure. Ever sure of what my heart is telling me, what exactly do I want and even who I am.

Yeah. I am zhiwen aka zhen. but who IS zhiwen aka zhen?

I am unsure. My nerves connect, I ask my brain. I get no answer. Is there ever a definite answer? Can a live and kicking person be defined? It seems hard to me.

Sure I am a being with 2 eyes, a nose and a mouth. But that is not me. That is everyone. I am special. unique in 1 way or the other, different from others. I am not just any conformed being from camazotz. Not just a robot with no feelings, no emotions, just an effing empty metal core.

I guess the reason why I liked AWIT so much was cos it generally appealed to me. Because I reached that stage of growth in P5 where you wonder all day, often over useless trifles. I still am wondering, but now it is about more seriou issues. AWIT subtlely made me understand and get the answers to the questions I had been dying to ask. But I just could not ask anyone those questions. They deserve to be found out by themselves, AWIT gave me the answers. Wells, at least it gave me clues and hints.

I know conformity is not good. not good. bad. horrible. Conformity seems repulsive. Imagine if one day, I would live in a place where everyone has the same thoughts. Everyone grows at the same rate, everyone does the same things at the same time. Everyone would have a dead soul but a perfectly live core. Everyone would live within themselves, not because they are introspective or whtaver, but because there is no meaning in living in the outside world. There is no variety, no diversity. Conformity may bring peace, it may prevent war. In fact, it WILL prevent war. But no. Peace is not what I want

Idon want peace. so what do want? Yet again, I dono.

Okay I am getting all confused. My head is swirling around. round andround. Beyondmy reach. I have alr lost it! ): No more emotions. Just plain talk to bring back my head. My day will remind my head that it belongs on top of that effing neck of mine.

We had free period to do english practice paper. Bet I failed it. I was realy tired at school today, so didn't talk much. The paper was average la. But when we marked it, I did badly. Really

Science. Went through papers as usual. Was shouted at, pissed Mr Pang off. Typical science lesson. It is memorable cos its our last sci lesson that we will be using for academic purposes, our last lesson before PSLE. After that, it will all be PLAY! And oh, science was 2 hours. almost killed me. I dozed off.):

Maths. Got back EL NSW. BS scored 50, can u believe it? sheesh. Some stars just shine brighter than others. I got 47. Jinyin got 48. |: But all the same, its only NSW. heck. Went through papers, its not our last educational maths lesson. hmph. Didn't pay attention at all. Gave us some free time. I read Child of My Heart. Its a beautiful new book that I bought. It has a simple tale/plot, yeh but its its simplicity that makes every word seem so sincere and true. But its is soo subtle. I don mind. It is a nice book. period.

SS/English. Marked papers. Feels weird with boey-lim teacihng us english. I have to get used to it. Heys, actualy i odnot need to. I just have another 10 or more periods with her as an english teacher Not as if it was the whole year. But... tmr we have her for 6 periods! 6.. a long time. )))):

Andy stole my short story. And she brought it home. I can assure you it sucks. Andy, you better return it to me. No matter how sucky it is, I treasure it simply cos it reminds me of my childhood. Maybe one day I will bring it out and smile mildly at how innocent life seemed last time.

i want my words to feel honest, to give this bare, true feeling. I want all my writings to not have double-meanings. I want to make people who read my writings cry, or at least cry inside. I want to touch others. The power of words. I want to have that power. It will be astonishing, and the possibilities would be endless. If only I had it. I at most only partially have it now. Allow me to own it, to use it, and to use it well. Allow me to have the power that to me, is supernatural...