Wednesday, October 25, 2006 4:01 PM
I dono if I can even accurately describe my feelings now but I will try. But I mean, FEELings are feelings so they shouldn't be described, they should be FELT. Nevertheless, I will try.
Now, I do not even know what sadness is. There was a time when I did not know what happiness was, but now it has turned out the other way. Seriously, I am happy on the outside and on the inside. Which I think is geniune happiness. Everything looks good to me now, even thunder and lightning and disgusting mushy food and ugly artwork and whatever. They all appear the same, happily so. Happiness, its indescribable I guess.
Sometimes I think cls is either abnormal or does not know how to express her views properly. Why is she so rigid? Why does she believe in black and white and no grey. I think that a world without grey areas isn't a world anymore. but then again, what right do I have to think, or even to feel?
why does she feel the urge to scream all the time and have her way. before I say more, I want to highlight that everything in this blog and this post is solely my opinion and even I myself admit that I am not always correct. So I am not trying to badmouth anyone, I am just expressing my thoughts. And I do not hate cls, nor do I dislike her. We are just different ppl and think differently. But I do not hate her and have NO intention of ruining her reputation.
Sometimes I am not even sure whether I am right or wrong. if there is right or wrong, then I am neither. I am not sad or anything, I am just confused about..... about diversity. It is seen basically as the variety and huge array of organisms, opinions, actions. But to me, it accounts for much more. Because of it we have war, we have misunderstandings, we have feelings of displeasure towards most undeserving people, and the major point here is that no one is at fault at all. But because of diversity, we do not have conformity. Conformity basically sucks whatever way you look at it.
today some misunderstanding happened. I think no one is at fault. seriously. I mean not every issue has a person at fault. cos if you blame a theif for theiving, u have to blame his parents for not teaching him well, you have to blame his grandparents for not teaching his parents well, you have to blame his teachers and his classmates and his friends. You have to blame the whole world for not showering a little more love on that one single pitiful person. Finding fault is fruitless and lame.
I do not really understand the situation, but from what I know, it is something like this: YJ asked everyone to collect some NSW thing, no one bothered. He fumed, started throwing the stuff to the individual parties. Andy n Janet were irritated and screamed at him, cls was there.
so jieru and I were called to stay back to be "eye-witnesses" with the "involved ppl" (yj, janet, andy). Then yj started crying about the amount of pressure he was under and everything. And they started arguing. But theres nothing wrong with that. The big thing that is wrong in my opinion is cls' last words before letting us off:
(translated to english)
"YJ, it is your fault that you cannot control your anger and your temper. But andy you also have to take some of the blame there cos you are the monitress." I mean, what is all this crap about blame. You will never acheive anything with it. Sometimes people do not understand what is letting go and following the flow.
But of cos we know that cls has good intentions, and I respect her for her courage to face an angry group of people and a crying boy. No one is to blame, and no one should try to push the blame to the state of society or anything. It should just be left as a memory. Perhaps 20 years down the road I will come to a conclusion, but for now, I have none.
Perhaps there isn't supposed to be any.
