Everything will change, but love remains the same.

Saturday, December 02, 2006 12:04 PM

For days I had been pondering, well not really pondering, or rather thinking whenever I was free about blogging, about what such an activity I have been doin for months actally means to me. Why do some people like me and those you-know-whos out there constantly return to their blog to update, to twitch their html and to narrate and bring hope. Atre there such things as good bloggers and if there are, am I one? and many many questions to ponder about. My mind has been rather like floating recently. I have not been sad, miraculously, just floating around. Like my body is souless and it is just this core of me going through life processes while my soul is wandering about in neverland.

i have seen blogs where no emotions are expressed, where people just note down the daily activities, say lame comments about them and be done with it. Sometimes, I wonder if I should do that too, keep all my emotions to myself and make my blog a personal catalogue of activities. For one, I myself know that my blog is often overly emotional, and I, too, do not know if it is good to be so. I know thta I can be carried away sometimes and I shall be responsible for all that I write in this endless address called a blog, where my heart shall find its home wherever I am, whenever I want.

This seems too narrative eh. But Sometimes it is how I am feeling. I don really feel like writing in incomplete sentences now. Writing in mostly proper english helps me to think of what to write next, as I type out longer full sentences. I have decided as my blog is perfect as it is, as it is a true reflection of my heart and my soul, with no untruths or superficiality involved. It is one place where I can say all that I think, all that arises in my heart. I am rather suremy blog isn't all that well-liked, but I cannot please everyone, but I can do that to myself. That is, by slowly pressing those keys according to the music of my heartstrings, not according to the influence of outer happenings. I do not want to be controlled subconciously by a demon, no no no no never!

I shall remain who I am, the person all of you have always known me by, the girl of emotions, of "cheemness", of utter illegibility. That is what the true me is, not some possessed freak. I want to be me, to dare to be different, because I contribute to the ever important word called "diversity". In my small little way, I make this earth a varied place, for I do not imitate I do not copy.

I am who I am and no one can deny that.

The reason behind me not posting for days is actually not because I have nothing to post, it is becuase I have been busying myself with many things- oil painting, calligraphy, rollerblading, piano, blahs. They really do take up alot of my time, but at least my holidays are chong2 shi2. I seem to be able to do things much better when I do them of my own accord, when I want to do it because I feel like it. And of coruse, I want perfection in all that I do, all that plus many others keeps me out of the house for probably almost the whole day. Tired yet I am satisfied with the progress I am making. I am really happy that perfectionistic behavior does not hinder me, that I am able to do even better with such a trait. As I have said before,I want to be good at all that I do, to be able to reflect what I truly am in all that I endeavour. And with no doubt at all, I believe thta I will be able to do exactly what I want, because I am different and for this aspect I am in control and shall always be. adieu

I'LL BE BACK