Everything will change, but love remains the same.

Saturday, June 20, 2009 6:35 PM

I THINK I'M QUITE HAPPY WITH MY HOLIDAYS SO FAR. and hssrp report is submitted all the months of work is almost over now. actually, I think it's more like 2 months of work squeezed together. Ate double dinner today! swensens with zhihui then the normal dinner at home which was lasagna. I seriously need to start on work but I don't feel like it at all. been going out quite alot and doing alot of things. on tuesday I'll meet some people that I haven't seen for 6 years I wonder what that'd be like! but I guess the feeling of rebonding with old old friends is great. there was a day when I was reading through the stuff that peichun friends gave me when I left that place for nanyang. sometimes I wonder whether I'd be any different if I'd stay on. I think I would be VERY different, not that that's a bad thing. I think there was this girl called Jie'r and I always thought her name was quite cool and she was so angelically pretty we did prefect duty together. can you believe it I was a prefect. and our duty was to stand outside at the gate and book people and for the first 2 months I didn't know I had to do duty so I didn't go. then one day I saw her and the rest of the gateduty prefects standing around and I went to ask her if this was what we're supposed to do. then I was so extra but they were friendly and it became a highlight of the day to just stand around with them and talk and be able to stand outside in the wind for the whole morning and do rubbish. on my last day of school in peichun she was so sweet I think she gave me a letter with her address and number and all that to keep in touch plus she did some souvenir thing I think it was made of colorful string and stuff. It's probably hidden somewhere in the cupboard. and yet we've lost touch I don't even know which school she's in now. I think it's kind of sad that people just pass us by like that. but that's okay cos we meet new people and they're awesome too. like you reading this you're awesome:D

I'M GOING TO TRY AND POST THE PHOTOS IN A SEPARATE POST COS IT'S TAKING SO LONG AND MAYBE IT WORKS WHEN THERE'S LESS WORDS? who am I kidding. but someone is nagging for me to post so here goes.

the thing is, no matter how many compliments people give me about art, it doesn't really sink into me because what matters for me, really, is whether i like it or not. whether i get swayed by it, or sucked into it, or just basically can't stop thinking/dreaming/looking at it. and that never really happens. and on a side note, i guess i'm guilty of wanting to feel like i do great artworks with little effort, so even if i like something but i spent alot of time on it, too much time, then i won't be satisfied either. of course, the first criteria matters alot more. and so i'd been thinking, whenever i hold that pencil above the paper and feel this empty void which tells me i can envision what i want to draw, but i can't put it onto the paper, why is that? am i just not confident enough, or shaky, or basically just not there yet? most of the time i settle on the third option. but then, when will i ever satisfy myself. and yet, i really don't think i have very high expectations. so sometimes it scares me to want to do an art-related career. i mean, laugh all you want but what if i am really not going to get there, ever? then everyday spent on my job will be a day of emptiness, and i'll never stop being envious of my colleagues who can do so much better than me. and soon i'd grow to hate it, and that'd suck. but at the end of it all, whenever i look at my old art pieces, there's evidence of progress everywhere. and maybe, just maybe, the progress will continue. and if i stay on this long enough, i will progress till i get there? and it's just a matter of time? but sometimes we can never be too sure. (on an unrelated note, this is the perfect moment to say 'LIFE'S A CLIMB, BUT THE VIEW'S GREAT') and above all, where's there anyway? or maybe the more important answer that i want to know is, when's there?